Never Ending Cycle
by LoveLikeYou'reNotBroken
Summary: They sit in silence, something they will never take for granted again.


Screams echo through the paper thin walls of the loft. Horrifying, heart breaking screams. The four keep their eyes on each other, nowhere near brave enough to glance at the source of the shrieks.

They try to distract themselves but they can't find anything to say that would make it easier to listen.

Mimi's wails fill the loft, her sobs laced with violent coughing. They can hear her desperation. Hear her beg and plead, hear her thrashing against the bed, hear her curse and bargain with Roger.

They can hear the promises she spews at him that it'll be the last hit, all of them knowing she'd break that the moment she steps outside the loft.

Maureen has her head on Joanne's shoulder, tears shining in both their eyes. Collins has his head down, his eyes glued to the floor. While Mark tries to be the rock, knowing perfectly well that no words or actions could make this better.

They hear a loud smack and a full second of pure silence goes by before the sobs start up again. Maureen's eyes widen and her head shoots up to look at Mark. "Did she- did she just hit him?"

Mark nodded sadly, pretending not to notice Joanne's eyes widening. "That's why I asked you guys to stay here." He responded, his voice low, not wanting to say the words out loud. "The longer she goes without heroin the more violent she's getting. Last night, it took me and Roger to hold her down and she still almost got out."

His eyes glance at Roger's room where he knows he is straddling Mimi, her petite body pinned to the bed, none the less thrashing violently, the withdrawal taking over her mind and body.

"We've gotta get her in rehab." Joanne said quietly.

Mark quickly shook his head. "It won't help. The only reason she hasn't shot up again is because he's here. He's the only one she'll quit for."

"It's so scary seeing her like that." Maureen breathed, letting a tear slip down.

"It's like a never ending cycle." Mark answered, barely audible, his eyes glued to the door. He could hear Roger repeating the same reassurances he has been for weeks, but he could he the shake in his voice. "She tries to fight with him, hoping he'll get pissed enough to storm out and she can leave. When he doesn't, she freaks out until he has to physically hold her down. If she gets to the point where she hits him, she starts to hate herself for hurting him and then only wants it more."

Joanne hugs Maureen tightly against her, letting a tear slip through as Mimi screams at the top of lungs how much she hates Roger.

"We've got to do something. This is going to kill them both." Joanne forced out.

"There is nothing we can do but support both of them." Collins responded steadily, looking up for the first time. "She needs to know she can survive without smack, and he needs to know she will fine after this passes."

Before anyone can answer, they hear a loud thud come from the other room. Mimi comes out of Roger's room, sprinting for the loft door, Roger right behind her. Collins reacts first, reaching the door a second before she does, having her collide into him.

"No!" she screams in frustration, frantically trying to get past him. Collins holds her wrists as she furiously tries to push him away, only letting go when Roger grabs her waist from behind. Mimi desperately tries to elbow her way out of his hold, scratching up his arms with her nails. He struggles to carry her back to his room, her body slipping from his grasp. The mattress creaks as he drops her on it, no doubt retaking his place on top of her.

After making sure Roger has her secure, Collins collapses on the couch, closing his eyes. Maureen and Joanne head to Mark's room to attempt sleep, while Mark and Collins take the couch. The screams die down but the sobs continue until all they can hear is Mimi's staggered breathing and Roger's tear filled promise that everything is going to turn out okay.

The next morning Mark is up first, his body being used to absorbing rest whenever he can get it, and not needing long hours of sleep. Collins joins him shortly, sleep becoming scarce for him since Angel left.

Maureen and Joanne join them at the table a little while later, neither looking like they got a good night's sleep either. Collins hands them both cups of coffee and they sit in silence, something they will never take for granted again.

Roger stumbles out after an hour, hair a mess and eyes barely open. He gratefully accepts the coffee Mark hands him and leans against the table. No one knows what to say, nor does anyone want to be the one to start the conversation.

"She's fine." Roger reassures, quietly, quickly looking each of them in the eye. They nod and give him small smiles, but they know he's trying to convince himself more than them.

"We know," Collins soothes, placing his hand on Roger's shoulder.

A few minutes later, light footsteps can be heard behind them. They all turn cautiously to see Mimi walking over to them, hair knotted, clothes wrinkled, dried tears on her pale cheeks. She blinks against the sun coming through the window. "Morning," she greets softly, a small smile gracing her face enough to remind them that she's still Mimi.

Roger walks over to hug her, but when he gets a foot away she takes a step back, eyes wide. Her eyes are glued to his arms, dark red lines cover his skin, some deeper than others, some with broken skin, some with specks on dried blood.

She opens her mouth but no words come out. She shakes her head slowly, trying to ignore the thought that she would have the ability to hurt him. "I'm- I can't- _did I_?"

He realizes what she's staring at and slowly pulls her into his arms as the tears spill over. "It's okay, Meems. I'm fine."

"I'm so sorry." She sobs into his shoulder, clutching him to as if it would erase what happened. He has one arm wrapped around her waist, the other securing her head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, baby. I didn't mean to- I'm sorry."

"Shhh, it's alright, Meems. It's okay." He kisses the top of head and lets his lips linger.

"I love you," she says, words muffled by his now soaked shirt.

"I know," he breathes, "I love you too." The tears flow silently as Joanne grabs Maureen's hand and Collins wraps an arm around Mark's shoulder. The dysfunctional family continues to go through heartache, but for now they have each other, and they'd go to the ends of the earth to keep it that way.

Time seems to stop as Mimi's breathing evens out, Roger and Mimi never loosening their hold on each other.

"It's okay, Meems. I'm okay. We're gonna be okay."

**A/N: First RENT fanfic, but I adore it beyond words. **

**Please review!**


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